This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
