white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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