thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
