Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
