I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize