Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
