Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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