i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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