i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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