is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
