You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
