she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
