I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
