Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
