Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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