A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize