When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
