every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
