The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
