i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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