so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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