Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
