i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There's always time for handjobs
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
