If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
