You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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