So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
