dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
