but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
