Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
