I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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