Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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