hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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