WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
