ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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