I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
