That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
