I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
