I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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