a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
