Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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