It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
