so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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