i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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