so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
