Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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