I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you win again, gameday.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
