Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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