i don't want you to think of me as your TA
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
