Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize