can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
