Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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