I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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