we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
