Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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