I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
