i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
