he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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