True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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