What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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