As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
