So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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