he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize