Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Even my vagina gasped.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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