He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize