Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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