drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
