sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
