I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
