I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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