I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
