you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
