Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
