Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
