Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize