The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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