dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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