I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
