He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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