You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
