and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
soo... how was my night?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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