im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
what is it with giant penises always finding me
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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