just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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